Category Archives: relationships*
its late and i just read a disturbing comment thread on facebook. it in
reference to the new rumors of Rhianna and Chris Brown getting back together. the comment was as follows: “typical woman,gets a beating and runs back.hopefully it happens again so people won’t feel bad for her”
and my face was as follows: “…” (the comment also went on to call her a “Crack Whore”)
what do you even say to that?
while i am not God so i will not pass judgement on Rhiannas relationship status and i really could care less about the rumors or Rhianna for that matter. i will say something needs to be said (and done) about the way women who are victims of domestic abuse are viewed and treated in society, specifically BLACK women. though i am not a victim of domestic violence,i know plenty of women (and teenage girls) who either witnessed it growing up or sadly,were abused themselves.
here’s the thing about the comment that urked the hell outta me so bad,i had to stop watching Wendy to write. for 1 this comment was made by a MAN. 2, no woman deserves to be abused, beat or degraded. and 3, NO ONE should ever wish for someone to be abused,EVER. no matter how many times she may run back or make ill decisions. 4. this is not some TYPICAL WOMAN shit, that is pulling away truth at how horrible the issue of domestic violence,especially in the Black community is. this is ABUSED WOMAN shit, some BLACK GIRL PAIN shit.
what many people fail to realize (and maybe even Rhianna herself) is that, abusive relationships are often part of a cycle, a family trait if you will. Rhianna has said in previous interviews her household growing up was
less than Cosby,while Chris Brown openly stated he witnessed his mother
getting abused. they have witnessed it and lived it themselves. so what do
we have here? two young adults who possibly never learned what a
healthy good loving relationship is,and who may never learn.
so instead of passing judgement and sending negative wishes to women who are suffering with domestic abuse and may not have the strength, support system or courage to pull themselves out of it, how about you instead be kind and send them positive energy.
*rant over, off to bed i go*
“I couldn’t stand being sorry aand colored at the same time. Its all so redundant in the modern world”- For Colored Girls
this is an excerpt from my bestie.
THE TERMS…in reference to dating and relationships and all the gray in between
as she says fuck the rules!
Ladies, let’s not bind ourselves by rules. Let’s hold our counterparts up to a standard by setting up terms that satisfy YOU
1. Friends first…I mean this sincerely. I would much rather be your best friend who becomes your love than to be a lover who attempts to become your friend. I value loyalty and friendship, they are important to me.
2. Impress me… I’m done compiling sob stories about lackluster men. I risk sounding vain here(I don’t really care), but I really am an exceptional woman; the proverbial apple at the top of the tree (if you don’t get the reference stay far away from me). I CAN’T WAIT to share all my benefits with someone special.–superhyped, right? Trust me, as much as I want “Him”to be “The Man”, I want to be “The Woman.” No problem fulfilling traditional roles here.
3. Be available…If you’ve got a girlfriend, if you’re not looking for anything past shallow physical attraction, or if you KNOW that you are not ever looking for anything REAL in the near future, I don’t want to waste my time trying to get to know you.
4. I am open to dating all types, but if you are a white man “with lots of cash to blow who’s just here for the weekend who wants a good time,” or who “wants to take a walk in the jungle”(real quotations people) DO NOT ATTEMPT TO “TAME” ME.
–Lola B. Kimberly
First Date Etiquette
1. Not at your or my residence
2. No pressure to drop drawers
3. Somewhere that will leave me raving about you and how interesting you are.
4. I’m the lady here, you should have the plan to sweep me off my feet! . Don’t ask me what we should do when we meet up. I am ready to follow your lead in all aspects.
what say you? do you have any terms?
side note: in trying to find a picture on google, after typing “Black Love”…i found this picture..steamy right! we will talk about my “black love” google findings later
okay, so i know a girl, well a woman because i believe she is in her late 30’s but does age really equal being a woman though? anyway, back to what i was saying… we will call her Becky, she has been dating a man, we will call him Bobby for 6 years. in Bobby’s previous relationship, he dated a woman who became so enraged and angry with him during an argument and attempted break up, that she set Bobby’s family’s house on fire. no, this is not an episode of Snapped or Deadly Women, this is real life. lol. set the house on fire like Left Eye! well, although the crazed ex girlfriend spent time in jail for the fire and has been banned for life from Bobby’s neighborhood, apparently Bobby never quite cut things off with the crazed ex (we will call her Phoenix).
last year, fourth of July 2010, Becky found out Bobby had been talking to Phoenix secretly. after an argument and temporary breakup, they got back together. this past summer, Becky began to receive text messages from Phoenix (from Bobby’s phone, yeah process that)stating typical bird statements..i got yo man hoe, he in my bed..blah blah, chirp chirp. Becky decided she had enough and broke off her relationship with Bobby but, due to a death in Bobby’s family and the want to be supportive, Becky and Bobby got back together.
a few weeks ago, late one night (because it’s always late at night when some drama goes down right?) Becky received text messages once again from Phoenix from you guessed it Bobby’s phone. but wait, these weren’t any old text messages, these were pictures of Bobby engaged in explicit sexual acts with Phoenix (cunnilingus to be exact..im not making this up y’all). after going on a rampage and showing the picture messages to everyone (including me) in the neighborhood, yelling, screaming, crying and even throwing a punch or two, all Becky had to say was why?
why did he do this to me? how could he? why me?….what did i do wrong? why…why..why?
as i stood there listening to Becky ask why over and over again, pouring her heart out to me i couldn’t help but sympathize with her. i knew what she was feeling.and i knew it very well. a few years ago while in college (TU!) i dated a man, well no he was an OGRE, off and on for about 2.5 years. he was a popular football player, typical macho muscle man, charming, dumb as rocks (i mean dumb, as in couldnt navigate his way though the library dumb)and a player. but more importantly (and dangerously) he was a user, manipulator and liar. that man could lie the fur off a cat! and i was putty in his hands and web of deceit. after going back and forth with the games, lies, and his other
women conquests coming up to me i still didn’t have enough. having my best friend catch him red handed cheating on me, showing up to his house throwing punches and tearing his room up, crying, and going to class with out a bra on, no makeup, hair a mess and wearing the same sweat pants for about 2.5 months (yes, i did that, lol, i was in a very dark place y’all), i still had not had enough. and oh i cried and cried, asked why, what did i do wrong, was it me? am i not enough?, why? why? why?
i still had not had enough. i went back to him a few months later after he apologized with tears in his eyes, i went back. the summer came and went, and it was back to the same drama, and i still did not have enough.
it wasnt until one day walking home from class down Diamond Street, listening to Jill Scotts “I Just Wanna Be Loved” that i reached an epiphany. the man i had been dating off and on for almost 3 years, just simply did not love me and was not into me (come to find out he’s not into women actually…yeeeaaa one of those). and so i finally sent him a long text message getting everything i had been wanting to say for over a year, out. in his response of “im sorry, i never really loved you”. i had finally had enough. in that moment i realized, i am much too good for this shit and for him and one day i will find someone who will love me just as much as i love them. it wont be a relationship where im in love with the idea of being in love or being in a relationship, which is something that alot of us women do. it would be a relationship where i was loved for who i was, what i said, what i thought…loved especially different.
and though not always perfect, i found that especially different love in my future husband [we will call him mr.waka as that is his favorite artist lol]
i wanted to share my story with Becky and shake her and say run girl, ruuuuuuunnnnn! he doesn’t love you and never will, that’s why, there is no other answer but that. but i said nothing, because i knew she hasnt had enough yet.
what say you?…in a relationship, when is enough, enough?
is being a black woman in this modern world a trade off? in talking to my bestie the other day we came to this conclusion….
she being a frustrated college grad having difficulty finding a quality man and relationship but a banging ass career. and me, a frustrated (unemployed) college grad having difficulty getting my career off the ground but a beautiful family complete with hubby and baby.
so is this the [new] trade-off? as young black [educated] women is it possible for us colored girls to really have it all? education, successful career, quality relationship/ quality black man (and i say ‘black” because i find that many of my girlfriends are now looking outside of our race to find “decent” men) and pretty big head babies??
OR do we choose our paths in life as if we were picking the prizes behind doors 1 & 2?
what SAY you?